Happy holidays and all the best wishes for a safe, happy and lucky new year. This past one has been tough and I hope that the coming year brings good things....like peace on earth...etc...In the event that doesn't happen, I would be happy to settle for a big winning lottery ticket. Something that would free me from what, these days, is feeling like indentured servitude.

 

At last I have a few days off before i must return to the salt mine run by the Dept. of Education. It's hard for my to really describe how consuming this all is. It's like I have multiple full time jobs. Teaching, in itself, is both physically and mentally demanding. Then there's Brooklyn College, who have us on this schedule from hell where last semester they had us doing 12 credits. On top of that, there's my art work, or what's left of it anyway. I am keeping it alive, but admittedly I am not as focused on it as I would like to be. It's all a compromise right now. The end of this long road will be, if all goes as planned, the end of July. Until then I beg patience from my friends and their faith that I have not abandoned them.

It's been a tough week at school...both of them. At the high school I teach at there was a gang related violent incident which left three students injured with stab wounds and a fourth who was hit on the head with a hammer, in a coma. The entire year has started out more stressful than last year. It's the new batch of kids. Our population has changed from 85% girls to 75% girls. The boys they have placed at our school are largely connected to gangs. We are an overcrowded school and yet the board of education keeps sending kids our way. We can't refuse any students and have no say in entrance qualifications. Needless to say, with this latest incident the teachers are very concerned about school safety. I've been doing a lot of the amateur social-psychologist thing and talking with the kids in small groups about he school environment. Kids can be very open when you talk to them straight and listen to what they have to say with respect. Some kids were talking about how they felt teachers contributed to the problem for having their own aggressive attitudes, but then they quickly pointed out they didn't mean me. As one girl said,"everyone knows that Ms. Martinez is mad cool" This is a compliment of the highest order. To be "mad" this or that is to be it in the extreme.

 

At Brooklyn College, things are improving. At least we're talking. The UFT is backing us, so this gives us leverage. They know that with a union comes lawyers. The work load remains even though.

 

Today I took my art students to the Brooklyn Museum. They had fun and were very well behaved. While we were there we met, Walton Ford whose exhibit opens tomorrow at the museum. He was very friendly.

 

Physically I feel a wreck. Mentally I'm exhausted. I'm home sick for Amsterdam and wondering why I moved back to this country filled with insane people in government. But then I took a walk with my kids in the crisp autumn weather, past colorful trees down Flatbush Ave. Then I remembered, I was here to make a difference, even if it's just a small one, like making a day like today for my students that doesn't totally suck.

Have you ever been to that point of exhaustion where it seems as if the air is vibrating? Yesterday I came home to collapse on the sofa. Harold says I need to get a chez Lounge if I am going to make a habit of such things. Maybe he's right, after all, a chez is the perfect fainting receptacle. Anyway, I am able to type this entry because I decided to play hooky today from an art teachers conference in midtown I was suppose to attend. To be honest, I know it would have been a good thing to go, but then again my week has been uber-busy and if I showed up to the conference I would have had no days off this week. Tomorrow, Sunday, I have an all day class at Brooklyn College, which I really can't miss. On Monday, my work week will begin again. This past week was parent teacher conferences, which meant a long day and late night on Thursday. The battle with Brooklyn College rages on. I wish I could write more about it, but for legal reasons I can't right now.

 

Despite my so called "day off" today, I will be at home working on my thesis and making lesson plans. There really isn't a true day off for me. Because of this grueling schedule, I find myself in that place of feeling particularly home sick for Amsterdam. Maybe I'm also getting a little stir crazy here, in New York. It's had for me to stay in one place for any real length of time. That was one of the good things about Amsterdam, it's location and culture afforded me the opportunity to travel around a lot while I lived there. In this way, I rarely felt trapped. Back in New York, I feel like I've been sucked in by the rat race. It kind of sucks. Then again, I am saying this after a particularly rough and long week. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the two fights that broke out in my art class. These two boys went at it in the hallway before class on Thursday. I was surprised that they were back in class on Friday. No suspension, nothing! All was going fine for the class, then all of a sudden, one walks over to the other and the next thing I know they are at each other's throats. Security was on it pretty fast, but it's still quite upsetting. I mean, there's nothing I can do. These are big high school boys. I'm not jumping in there to break it up and possibly get smacked by accident! Afterwards, kids in class were telling me how it's all connected to these gangs. I hate all this gang bullshit happening in the schools. Happening anywhere for that matter. Gangs in the USA keep the minority groups down. It totally plays into the white supremacist hands. The police don't care, just let them kill themselves. The two boys in my class are really, deep down, good boys and not half bad at art. These kids have so much going on in their lives, I won't even pretend to understand it all. As a teacher, I feel powerless to help anyone.

Yes, I know I should have been working on one of the many papers for Brooklyn College, but I needed a break. After all, I did work six hours straight on homework this afternoon. There's a certain point when the mind just goes numb. So I went around the corner to see "The Queen", the latest Stephen Frears film starring Helen Mirren. I was interesting, her acting was fab and it was a pleasant enough distraction. While coming home, Harold and I spotted this interesting piece of graffiti. (see picture) For those who don't recognize the heads, its Republican representative, Mark Foley as the dog and Republican Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert as the man. Foley has been big in the news here in the USA since it was revealed he has a thing for young boys and sent lude emails to an underage congressional page. Hastert has received criticism because he apparently knew of Foley's indiscretions, but had none nothing to discipline or prevent Foley from having access to minors. It was, in fact, a cover up. So what kind of message does this homosexual hating republican congress make about their so called "family values"?! What's worse is how the republicans aren't calling this what it is, which is an issue about pedophilia, rather they are trying to pin it on the gays. Just the attempt to associate the one with the other is a clear example of how the republican party does not comprehend it's proverbial ass from its elbow. Fox news (a.k.a. ministry of republican propaganda) even went so far as to broadcast Foley identified as a democratic representative (which he is not!) The reporting of the incident continues to enter new levels of surrealism.

If it weren't difficult enough to keep up with emailing friends back in Amsterdam, who I miss so much, to let them know I am thinking about them, this semester has turned into an even more hectic schedule than last year. While in some respects, teaching seems easier (I'm more confident, have a better idea what I'm doing etc...) My work load from Brooklyn College is heavier. This is the semester I am to write my thesis proposal. Not an easy task, but very important that I do an extremely good job on it. My plan (at this point in time) is to get into a doctoral program after I finish my masters. Since I have no money to pay for such a thing, I will need to score a full scholarship. I know it sounds ambitious. Who am I and where did all this come from? Hmmm...I guess I found something where I can combine art and make a social impact.

 

This year I am teaching three art classes and one double period of science. I'm also assistant coaching the debate team and leading a battle with Brooklyn College, who's administration have seemed to have lost touch with reality. I shall spare the details of this disagreement because it may end up going to court and I don't want to jeopardize my case. Yes, it's that serious. On the other hand, no matter what the outcome is, I will forge ahead with my plans.

 

Anyway....so I wanted to tell you all about a class trip last week with my science class....

We went to the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. While there we made a pit stop at the rest rooms. Ms. Martinez had to go as well. As I was in the stall I overheard the conversation from my freshman girls. It was the type of conversation that, while funny and the sort of thing appropriate for a prime time TV sitcom, no teacher really wants to overhear. The girls were discussing their sexual activities and who was a virgin and who not. At one point, one of the girls commented that she isn't having sex until she's married, because "her cootchie is sacred" Another girl remarked that " I'm not a hore, I only have sex with my boyfriend". Rolling my eyes as I emerged from the stall, "girls please! teacher present! I really don't want to hear your business." "Oops Ms.! We didn't know you were there." I told a fellow teacher of mine about the girls' conversation and the following day she presented me with this little gift she picked up somewhere. (see picture) I think kids today are growing up way too fast in the most bizarre ways.