Happy holidays and all the best wishes for a safe, happy and lucky new year. This past one has been tough and I hope that the coming year brings good things....like peace on earth...etc...In the event that doesn't happen, I would be happy to settle for a big winning lottery ticket. Something that would free me from what, these days, is feeling like indentured servitude.

 

At last I have a few days off before i must return to the salt mine run by the Dept. of Education. It's hard for my to really describe how consuming this all is. It's like I have multiple full time jobs. Teaching, in itself, is both physically and mentally demanding. Then there's Brooklyn College, who have us on this schedule from hell where last semester they had us doing 12 credits. On top of that, there's my art work, or what's left of it anyway. I am keeping it alive, but admittedly I am not as focused on it as I would like to be. It's all a compromise right now. The end of this long road will be, if all goes as planned, the end of July. Until then I beg patience from my friends and their faith that I have not abandoned them.

It's been a tough week at school...both of them. At the high school I teach at there was a gang related violent incident which left three students injured with stab wounds and a fourth who was hit on the head with a hammer, in a coma. The entire year has started out more stressful than last year. It's the new batch of kids. Our population has changed from 85% girls to 75% girls. The boys they have placed at our school are largely connected to gangs. We are an overcrowded school and yet the board of education keeps sending kids our way. We can't refuse any students and have no say in entrance qualifications. Needless to say, with this latest incident the teachers are very concerned about school safety. I've been doing a lot of the amateur social-psychologist thing and talking with the kids in small groups about he school environment. Kids can be very open when you talk to them straight and listen to what they have to say with respect. Some kids were talking about how they felt teachers contributed to the problem for having their own aggressive attitudes, but then they quickly pointed out they didn't mean me. As one girl said,"everyone knows that Ms. Martinez is mad cool" This is a compliment of the highest order. To be "mad" this or that is to be it in the extreme.

 

At Brooklyn College, things are improving. At least we're talking. The UFT is backing us, so this gives us leverage. They know that with a union comes lawyers. The work load remains even though.

 

Today I took my art students to the Brooklyn Museum. They had fun and were very well behaved. While we were there we met, Walton Ford whose exhibit opens tomorrow at the museum. He was very friendly.

 

Physically I feel a wreck. Mentally I'm exhausted. I'm home sick for Amsterdam and wondering why I moved back to this country filled with insane people in government. But then I took a walk with my kids in the crisp autumn weather, past colorful trees down Flatbush Ave. Then I remembered, I was here to make a difference, even if it's just a small one, like making a day like today for my students that doesn't totally suck.

Have you ever been to that point of exhaustion where it seems as if the air is vibrating? Yesterday I came home to collapse on the sofa. Harold says I need to get a chez Lounge if I am going to make a habit of such things. Maybe he's right, after all, a chez is the perfect fainting receptacle. Anyway, I am able to type this entry because I decided to play hooky today from an art teachers conference in midtown I was suppose to attend. To be honest, I know it would have been a good thing to go, but then again my week has been uber-busy and if I showed up to the conference I would have had no days off this week. Tomorrow, Sunday, I have an all day class at Brooklyn College, which I really can't miss. On Monday, my work week will begin again. This past week was parent teacher conferences, which meant a long day and late night on Thursday. The battle with Brooklyn College rages on. I wish I could write more about it, but for legal reasons I can't right now.

 

Despite my so called "day off" today, I will be at home working on my thesis and making lesson plans. There really isn't a true day off for me. Because of this grueling schedule, I find myself in that place of feeling particularly home sick for Amsterdam. Maybe I'm also getting a little stir crazy here, in New York. It's had for me to stay in one place for any real length of time. That was one of the good things about Amsterdam, it's location and culture afforded me the opportunity to travel around a lot while I lived there. In this way, I rarely felt trapped. Back in New York, I feel like I've been sucked in by the rat race. It kind of sucks. Then again, I am saying this after a particularly rough and long week. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the two fights that broke out in my art class. These two boys went at it in the hallway before class on Thursday. I was surprised that they were back in class on Friday. No suspension, nothing! All was going fine for the class, then all of a sudden, one walks over to the other and the next thing I know they are at each other's throats. Security was on it pretty fast, but it's still quite upsetting. I mean, there's nothing I can do. These are big high school boys. I'm not jumping in there to break it up and possibly get smacked by accident! Afterwards, kids in class were telling me how it's all connected to these gangs. I hate all this gang bullshit happening in the schools. Happening anywhere for that matter. Gangs in the USA keep the minority groups down. It totally plays into the white supremacist hands. The police don't care, just let them kill themselves. The two boys in my class are really, deep down, good boys and not half bad at art. These kids have so much going on in their lives, I won't even pretend to understand it all. As a teacher, I feel powerless to help anyone.

Yes, I know I should have been working on one of the many papers for Brooklyn College, but I needed a break. After all, I did work six hours straight on homework this afternoon. There's a certain point when the mind just goes numb. So I went around the corner to see "The Queen", the latest Stephen Frears film starring Helen Mirren. I was interesting, her acting was fab and it was a pleasant enough distraction. While coming home, Harold and I spotted this interesting piece of graffiti. (see picture) For those who don't recognize the heads, its Republican representative, Mark Foley as the dog and Republican Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert as the man. Foley has been big in the news here in the USA since it was revealed he has a thing for young boys and sent lude emails to an underage congressional page. Hastert has received criticism because he apparently knew of Foley's indiscretions, but had none nothing to discipline or prevent Foley from having access to minors. It was, in fact, a cover up. So what kind of message does this homosexual hating republican congress make about their so called "family values"?! What's worse is how the republicans aren't calling this what it is, which is an issue about pedophilia, rather they are trying to pin it on the gays. Just the attempt to associate the one with the other is a clear example of how the republican party does not comprehend it's proverbial ass from its elbow. Fox news (a.k.a. ministry of republican propaganda) even went so far as to broadcast Foley identified as a democratic representative (which he is not!) The reporting of the incident continues to enter new levels of surrealism.

If it weren't difficult enough to keep up with emailing friends back in Amsterdam, who I miss so much, to let them know I am thinking about them, this semester has turned into an even more hectic schedule than last year. While in some respects, teaching seems easier (I'm more confident, have a better idea what I'm doing etc...) My work load from Brooklyn College is heavier. This is the semester I am to write my thesis proposal. Not an easy task, but very important that I do an extremely good job on it. My plan (at this point in time) is to get into a doctoral program after I finish my masters. Since I have no money to pay for such a thing, I will need to score a full scholarship. I know it sounds ambitious. Who am I and where did all this come from? Hmmm...I guess I found something where I can combine art and make a social impact.

 

This year I am teaching three art classes and one double period of science. I'm also assistant coaching the debate team and leading a battle with Brooklyn College, who's administration have seemed to have lost touch with reality. I shall spare the details of this disagreement because it may end up going to court and I don't want to jeopardize my case. Yes, it's that serious. On the other hand, no matter what the outcome is, I will forge ahead with my plans.

 

Anyway....so I wanted to tell you all about a class trip last week with my science class....

We went to the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. While there we made a pit stop at the rest rooms. Ms. Martinez had to go as well. As I was in the stall I overheard the conversation from my freshman girls. It was the type of conversation that, while funny and the sort of thing appropriate for a prime time TV sitcom, no teacher really wants to overhear. The girls were discussing their sexual activities and who was a virgin and who not. At one point, one of the girls commented that she isn't having sex until she's married, because "her cootchie is sacred" Another girl remarked that " I'm not a hore, I only have sex with my boyfriend". Rolling my eyes as I emerged from the stall, "girls please! teacher present! I really don't want to hear your business." "Oops Ms.! We didn't know you were there." I told a fellow teacher of mine about the girls' conversation and the following day she presented me with this little gift she picked up somewhere. (see picture) I think kids today are growing up way too fast in the most bizarre ways.

OK, so I've been very remiss about keeping up this blog...my excuse...life is a crazy and unexpected thing.

 

Here's what's been going on...

 

Things are going well at school. I'm teaching three art classes and one double period science class. My kids are, on the whole, terrific and I'm having a lot of fun with the two teachers I am co-teaching with. I am also assistant coach for the debate team, which is really nice because it is giving me a chance to interact with some highly motivated students.

 

My co-science teacher and I took our class to an exhibition about refugees done by Doctors Without Borders. It went really well. The kids were engaged and the exhibit was very interesting. I recommend everyone to go see it if it comes to your area. They are an organization who's work I support and would encourage everyone to think of them when you are writing out checks for your end of year charitable donations.

 

Meanwhile things are quite "spannend" or interesting at Brooklyn College. My cohort of teaching fellows are at the point of revolt. More about this later, but for today I am focusing on more happy thoughts.

 

My exhibition is opening today at the Onderdonk House in Queens. OK, it's not SOHO or Chelsea or even Williamsburg, but it is a solo show in New York and considering all that I've been up to, I do believe I am within my right to give myself a pat on the back. With school and school and more school, I have still managed to create some new art work. I am fierce.

 

Here are a few pictures of some of the work in the exhibition. I plan to take my camera to the opening an snap a few shots as well.

This past Thursday, teachers in New York City Public Schools went back to school. Students were not there yet, they'll be coming in on Tuesday. After having successfully survived my first year, I am actually looking forward to this second one. It'll be hard work, but I feel more confident about who I am as a teacher and what I bring to my students.

 

I'll be doing more art classes, which I am very happy about, and one science class. I'm cool with that; it was always a subject I enjoyed. Having an inquisitive mind I was always testing the flammable nature of most things as a kid. Luckily I was always such a stickler for safety that my teachers never got particularly angry at me for burning things in class. I did my work and always got A's so they really had nothing to complain about.

 

Besides the classes I will teach I am also going to be the assistant coach of the debate team. Well, as anyone who knows me will testify, debating is something for which I demonstrate a particular interest in. I also like the idea of working with college bound kids. Sometimes being a special education teacher can be frustrating. There are kids you have, who for various reasons, just aren't "getting it" or habitually make bad choices. You want to help them, but a teacher is just one small influence on a child's life. There are physical and environmental influences for which you have not control over and these often have a greater impact on these children. It really takes an exceptionally strong willed and intelligent child to over come some of the circumstances kids from lower income backgrounds in urban area's face. That, and a whole lot of luck. But don't get me wrong. I do enjoy working with the special needs kids. They are challenging, sure, but also funny and honest. It is a tremendous high when you do see them make some progress. They also teach me so much every day.

 

Meanwhile, I plod along creating new art work for my upcoming show. This too is challenging as I don't really have a real studio space so I have to construct these in pieces and use my imagination as to if they are done or not. Only after they are installed can I see if my vision was on target.

I've been kind of rubbish when it comes to updating this blog and emailing with people. Being summer holiday and all, I was hoping to catch up with my email back log, but I've ended up working pretty hard during these summer weeks. There has been the "block scheduling" project at school which had me working two days a week at the high school. Then there's the getting ready for my show which is due to open in october. We actually pushed back the opening a bit since there's just too much to do and not enough time. Finally I did get some vacation and went out to Cape Cod to visit my friend from Amsterdam, Suzanna, who is out there visiting her Mum, who lives there in the summer. I had a well deserved relaxing time and enjoyed being thoroughly lazy for several days.

 

Back in Brooklyn, the cats seemed happy to see me, though Henry has developed this annoying habit of biting my feet at 5AM (you can set your watch to it) to wake me up to feed them. It's good to be back at home and I'm happy to be back to paintng again. Never the less, these are all day painting stints. I've just a week before school starts again and I have way too much to make still. Oh, well, admittedly, I love a deadline.

The heat can make people crazy, but animals as well. This past week, the cats have been acting like psycho- kittens. It's annoying, of course, due to the destructive element. They've been having these bursts of running about, chasing each other and destroying whatever lays in their path. After running, they'll stop to pant. Then start chasing each other again. Harold has taken to calling them Itchy and Scratchy like the cat and mouse cartoon from the Simpsons. You know the theme song..."They fight, they fight, ... fight fight fight, ...the Itchy and Scratchy shoooooow!" Luckily no puffy tails appear and I guess it's just because they are, age wise, just a couple of teenage males.

 

Meanwhile, I haven't blogged in a while because I've been so busy. I'm still working two mornings a week at the high school, writing curriculum stuff and working hard to prepare new art for my up coming exhibition at the onderdonk house. Originally it was scheduled to open in September, but I've moved the date back to October since it's an ambitious undertaking and I really need a little extra time. The installation alone will take a week.

 

The heat has broken, here in New York. Just a bit. My apartment is still sweltering. Everyone thinks I'm nuts not to have an air-conditioner. I just would rather sweat than feel like I'm inside a refrigerator. Not to mention the fact that most air-conditioners are environmentally unfriendly in more ways than one.

 

Speaking of the environment, Al Gore was recently attacked on a blogging site with a parody of his movie "an Inconvenient Truth". The New York Times thought the parody was so well done, they wanted to interview the blogger, but when they looked, what they found was a slick Republican Party P.R. firm that created the bogus blog posting. Apparently, these fake blogs are an increasing problem. It goes to show how gullible people really are. These firms know that if people see it in print. Even if just on a glowing screen. They will believe what they read. Wikapedia is another example. Anyone can modify the information on it, so the result is a huge data base of misinformation. Not that what we read in the newspaper is any more reliable. So how can we know who to believe anymore? Pretty soon we'll all have to just go with out guts.

 

I also saw this pretty interesting program on the history Channel about how some U.S. University conducted a research project that showed the more someone thought about their own mortality, the more radically conservative and intolerance of different opinions they were likely to be. Given the log term history of violence in the Middle East, is it any wonder that fanaticism grows, but even here in the west. Look at the number of religious leaders that focus on Revolutions in the Bible. Tele-evangelist keep going on about the "rapture" and even the new agey types have their conspiracy theories and interpretations of Nostradamus. History has shown us that when civilizations begin to have increased focus on death, it usually means that civilization is close to self-imploding. As for me, maybe I'm in denial, but I'd rather live Evey day of my life as if I were immortal. I want to focus on living life and enjoying the variety in it.

 

OK, so these are just some thoughts and a little what's going on with me. Yeah, I know...life in the big city just doesn't sound so exciting. Well, in truth, it's not, but it's about something other than that anyway. City life is about being and tapping into a collective consciousness. In my boring little way, I'm doing things that interest me and enjoying the freedom to be here right now. Every day I wake up and think how lucky I am.

The heat wave is on, typical to July in New York. I'd love to get away from it, however, I must stay and paint in preparation for this exhibition in September. Friends in Amsterdam have been a huge help contributing their thoughts on the meaning of the dutch word "vernederland" I'll get into it more at a later date, but right now I just need to thank those who have responded to my questions.

 

All is well. I'm happy, painting and taking it easy. Well, for me easy. That is to say that in the place of a zillion things to do I have but a mere 500! I guess I just like keeping busy. The cats are great. Oh so cute! and a constant source of entertainment.

 

I've got no air conditioner and with the temperatures getting up to 100 F today, I'm thinking I might be a little too critical of the over use of air conditioning in the USA. Well, in a few days this will pass and I will go back to rolling my eyes at the thought f people waisting too much electricity.

Woo-hoo! My last class for this semester at Brooklyn College is over and I am "free" for all intensive purposes, until the end of August. Not that this means I am actually on vacation. New York has revived the work-aholic in me. Or is it just that life here is sink or swim?

 

I'll still work a couple of mornings at the high school, but I won't be teaching. It's meetings mostly and the extra cash is welcome. After all, teachers are really one of the most underpaid professions there is. Especially in New York. Besides that I'm getting back to painting, with a deadline in mind for a small exhibition in September. Much to do!

 

Last week was the 4th of July and I enjoyed watching the fire works from my apartment. I love my view. These pictures don't do it justice.

The last day of school was yesterday. While I am free from teaching, I still have those odious grad school classes at Brooklyn College to go to. Well, at least I won't have any 16 hour days at least not until the fall.

The graduation ceremony was interesting. A little weird, but also entertaining. Most of the kids danced across the stage to receive their diploma's. Our school is actually know for having some really good dancers. Why exactly that is...I don't know. Perhaps it has something to do with the dance teacher who had possibly the most popular elective class.

 

As for my own classes, though I'm happy for the break, I kind of miss the kids. The Valedictorian of this year's graduating class had said in his speech that one of the things that made this school special is that the teachers treat the kids as if they are their own and to a very large extent this is true. Parents can rest assure that the staff really cares about these kids and this is also something that makes it a good place to teach at.

 

Aah but now vacation...I look forward to it so!

 

 

Finally today I got a chance to visit the i-rain records site that Anka set up with Sophie and Pieter. I was so busy with school that I missed their on-line launch party. OK, the least I can do is plug their site, so check it out:

 

Meanwhile, I am still in the throws of this time consuming course work at Brooklyn College. As for teaching, there's just a few more days. I'm done on Wednesday! It'll be graduation and yes, I am dressing up for the occasion. this is the point where I am feeling the pay back of this job. There's really no feeling like it to realize that you actually made a difference in the life of a child. The last day that the kids actually had classes, some were coming into my class to say goodbye for the summer. Kids express themselves so honestly. No, they weren't trying to get a better grade. They knew the grades were already in; but they let me know that they noticed that I cared and that they appreciated it. That's a feeling like nothing else. Not all the kids were success stories this year. It's sad, but I know some did fall through the cracks. I can only hope that next year they'll get caught up by myself or some other teacher who can show them how to believe in themselves.

 

As for the BC stuff, classes end in three weeks.

It's been a week since my accident. The wound is healing well and my stitches will come out this afternoon. The ligament has not been damaged, however there may or may not be some nerve damage. Basically I have no feeling in one half of my finger. I can move it, but I can't feel it. It's a weird sensation, like when your leg has fallen asleep. It feels dead, but it's not. There's still a good chance the feeling will return to it eventually, meanwhile I feel as if it's there but not there.

 

The weather has heated up and the cats lounge about seeking the coolest spot possible. I'm surprised they are not shedding as much as I thought they would, but I'm not complaining about that. With no air conditioning, I'm roughing it a bit. I have fans going that keep it cool enough and use less electricity. Here in New York it's the season to get sick as people go from over air conditioner cooled spaces into the heat and back again. Admittedly I like being cooled off, but there's something so artificial about air conditioning.

 

It's gay pride week. Oops, excuse me, that's what it use to be called. Now people are ever so politically correct and it is gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans gender pride week or GLBT for short. I wish these bloody BC classes weren't going on so I might venture into the world and socialize, perchance even meet someone (?), but alas, it is not to be. The grueling schedule will persist until mid July. Until then I remain too busy for the pleasures of life.

The day began as a typical Sunday. I woke up early enough to begin doing my laundry at the laundromat across the street before the machines get crowded and one actually has to wait for one. At 7AM it's still pretty quiet and as usual, I put in a load and went across the street to the bodega for the Sunday New York Times.

 

My Sunday routine is boring, but restful and is a scheduling in of relaxing time as I read the times, have breakfast and get the laundry when it's done from the drier. It's all usually complete by 9 and I can get back to chipping away at that list of a zillion and five things I need to do.

 

I had been working hard when I decided to take a lunch break and make a salad. As I was cutting the Avocado, the knife slipped and I found myself with a rather deep, painful and bloody puncture wound in my middle finger on my right hand (I'm left handed). Luckily Harold was home and he did an excellent job of initially dressing the wound. We walked down the street to Long Island University Hospital (which is just a few blocks away) and I was seen to quite quickly. Luckily the emergency room was quiet and there was no waiting. The doctor looked at the wound and confirmed my suspicions, that it needed a couple of stitches (just two).

 

OK, so it's not really big drama, but Harold and I thought of some amusing things I could do to milk the sympathy if I were the sort of person to do that type of thing. After the hospital we went to the Gowanus Yacht Club (which is anything but) for some bratwurst and beer. I had to think of my Berlin friends, Petra and Andrea as the Yacht club is basically a German style beer garden and I wondered if they would like this place as much as I do.

 

Back home, the anesthetic is beginning to wear off in my finger and it hurts a little, but it's no biggie. There's a regular bandage over the stitches so I'm sure not to get any sympathy at all.

Luckily it's the infamous Memorial Day Weekend. All day I was doing the Happy Joy Dance. Finally a weekend without homework and some possibilities for "me" time. My mother tried to hint that I should come visit her, but I deflected her maternal guilt rays. This is the first weekend to myself in a very long time and is also the last one until the end f July, so no one will take this from me. If I seem selfish...well I think I deserve a moment of selfishness. I'm not trying for sainhood after all.

 

OK, so now I'm going to try and see if I can post some pictures on this blog thingy.

I'm having trouble still uploading and don't know why. If I had the time to look into it, I might be able to figure it out and correct it, but lately I have a whole lot of other things to do. So blob pictures will remain limited for the time being.